my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
