Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
