all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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