I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
