So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
