I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
