you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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