If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
