i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
