I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
