Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
