come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
