dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
