despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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