I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
