are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
