First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
