Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
