Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
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