Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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