is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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