time to smoke my breakfast
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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