if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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