That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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