he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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