it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
