And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
