Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Randomize
