She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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