I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
