Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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