dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i came on her dog
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
