maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
