so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
