We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
