Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Randomize
