Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
