There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
