Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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