for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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