at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
