That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We left the knife in your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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