I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
