Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
