matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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