Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
