I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
