Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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