erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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