I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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