I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
