just come out here and I will go home with you...
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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