I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
