You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
