So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just want to make out with him forever
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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