My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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