...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
