If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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