Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
