4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
