We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
