I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
