Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
