Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
