Non-Jews are for practice
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
