she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
you had me at cake vodka
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
