She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
