But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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