i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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