if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
