so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
