I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
