So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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