watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
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Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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