He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize