I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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