I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
