I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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