ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
