I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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